28 Apr 2003 was the day I arrived in Singapore. It was my first time in Singapore. My friend told me that he was visiting a temple and asked me if I would like to go with him. I said yes. After paying respect to my teachers, we left for a temple. It was Mangala Vihara (MV). At MV, a lady received us and showed us around the temple at about 8 pm. BPC classes were being conducted at that time. I thought Burmese Buddhist Temple (BBT) was big. I was really humbled when I saw MV and its activities. I was happy as Buddhism was apparently deeply rooted in Singapore. What I really did not know at that time was that this temple would be giving me food and shelter and that the lady I met would be the one who I could share my ideas, feelings and personal difficulties for the several years that followed. Though she was a devotee, towards me, she could be likened as my sister. Believe it or not. That was who she was.
As a monk, I had very little time with my family. My parents wanted me to be a monk. I become a monk as they wished. But my parents had to pay the price dearly for their wish as both of them passed away during my absence. Being a monk, my current situation did not favour my sisters either. They had only a few hours to share with their little boy (Ko Toot) in 20 years. To be honest, as a human, I crave for love, care and kindness from my parents and sisters. The lady, somehow, shared her love, care and kindness with me. At first, I thought that she was kind to me. Later I realized that I was wrong. She was kind to many. And she was the one who knew my true personality. She understood the fact that “Everyone has weaknesses” Once again, believe it or not, that was who she was.
When I came and stayed in MV, she was the one who asked about my life, family and teacher's background. Soon after, the founder of Mangala Vihara, the late Bhante, passed away. MV needed stability in terms of having a resident monk. At least, that was what she felt. We may agree or disagree with her. But honestly, we all could not deny her “Never say never” attitude towards MV. That was who she was.
When I told her that I was going home, she said she also would like to come with me after getting her husband’s permission. She got permission and we went together. I asked, “Why do you want to come with me?” “I want to see some tourist sites so that we can organize a pilgrimage trip to Burma next year,” she replied. “Do you want to observe my family and teacher's background?” I asked. “Yes, part of it,” she said honestly. To me, like it or not. That was who she was.
Truth be told, quite a number of our members found it a bit difficult to accept the changes between the late Master's era and the new resident monks’ tenure. All Bhantes from Sri Lanka have their own temples. Our members thought that since they had their own temple, the Bhantes' attention would be halved. They could not give full commitment to MV. Our members were right from their own view. Moreover, for Sri Lanka Bhantes, they could not live in MV their entire life like the late Master. So how could they ignore their own temples in Sri Lanka? No one can deny that fact too.
The lady might have thought that I could be the solution as I have no temple of my own (in fact, I was a run-away monk) and no teacher who could take me back and order me to stay with him. She could have been rather relieved after coming back from Burma. I was truly a nomad monk. Very few people understood her intention towards MV. She took some blame for what she believed in and what she did. We may like her or we may not. But no one can deny her concern and commitment to the temple. That was who she was.
It was amusing. When my friends came for our ceremonies and saw somebody, they asked “Is the gentleman the lady’s husband?” I said yes with a gentle smile. When I explained about something to our helpers, they could not figure out someone’s name. Only a moment later a man asked “Do you mean the lady’s husband?” At that time I laughed loud. She had such an influential image on people. Believe it or not. That was who she was.
Though she knew she was gravely sick, somehow, she still managed to go on two trips, Sri Lanka and Burma. These were places she probably wanted to go, places where the Lord's teaching are strong in existence. She produced immense mental energy from her skinny body. Take it or leave it, that was who she was.
At least I could console myself that I became MV’s resident monk and I could contribute a bit for the temple when she was still with us. I just worry that I cannot fulfil her wish. But I make sure I try my best. More importantly, I could not experience my parents’ dying moments and I could not do anything at their last moments. However, I fully witnessed her last moments. I did my best. Yes. She has left us.
See you Madam Gina Tan.
Editor’s Note:
Sister Gina Tan Kwai Kum left us on 21Feb2011. This article was read as the eulogy on the 100thday memorial service for Sis Gina Tan held on 21stMay 2011 at Mangala Vihara Temple. A Dana lunch for the MahaSangha was later held and the merits transferred to Sis Gina Tan.
U Cittara
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